Just because somebody flirts with you, doesn’t mean they like you. Just because somebody likes you, doesn’t mean they want to go out with you. Just because somebody wants to go out with you, doesn’t mean they love you. Just because somebody loves you, doesn’t mean they won’t hurt you. Because people lie, things change. Boyfriends cheat, best friends ditch. And there are always going to be those people who would kill to see you fall.
– Anonymous Via Homesick
Marissa Cooper: Who are you?
Ryan Atwood: Whoever you want me to be.
The O.C., Season 1, Episode 1
No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.
– Sigmund Freud Via the oracle of quantico
Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.
– Stephen King Via the oracle of quantico
Someone who thinks death is the scariest thing doesn’t know a thing about life.
– Sue Monk Kidd (via quotewhore) Via an overflow of words.
There are moments in life when you hope your decisions weren’t rash. And moments where you just know.
– Stacy, Little Black BookOnline. Offline.
It`s been a while since I went out on a date. Been trying to get over a long-term relationship for more than a year now that resulted to a few different conquests. Well actually, if it wasn`t for my ex-girlfriend`s consistent pushing over, I would have held on to us for yet another year. But then I guess I have really woken up. It took me quite a while to finally have that strength to take a stand and leave though. And in between those times, these are the things I`ve gone through.
Clearly, so many things have already taken place. And as much as I wanted to share them, I don`t really think that`s gonna work. That would take me days or should I say months to complete this post. And that`s not even a guarantee. So I guess I`ll just try to share whatever I can little by little through a series of posts. So here goes my first one.
It wasn`t my intention to break hearts. Guess that`s just how it is when you yourself are broken. It`s like you have this disease that can infect the people who tries to get near you. And so in the course of my desperation, I somehow broke another person`s heart.
Her name was Krystal. I met her through a social networking site known only by a few. Yea, I know what you`re thinking. I, too, used to think that meeting up in person with the people you met online is cheap especially when you start to dating them. But I dunno. I guess the safest thing to say is that, there`s always a first time for everything. So I ate my pride. And yes, I went out with her.
I must admit it was exciting at first. It even felt like I was back on track. I was starting to feel better about myself. All of a sudden there was a reason to stay online on YM, my phone became a hotline and I had nothing else but a smile on my face. Oh yeah, everything felt just right. I was happy.
And then the actual meet-up came. Fetched her at work then off we went some place quiet - my pad. Though she wasn`t really my type, she wasn`t so bad either. In fact, I liked her kind of humor. She`s one of the few women I`ve met who seemed to have a deep understanding about life, love and everything that revolved around it. She was interesting. We clicked. And that`s really something on a first date.
We had a few drinks yet we had a lot to laugh about. It felt like I`ve known her for quite some time already. She made me feel very comfortable. Then she kissed me. I wasn`t sure about what to do next cos unlike others, it was my first time to go out with a complete stranger. So five seconds after she kissed me, I gulped down a shot of brandy and the rest was history.
Nothing happened, ok? We just stayed up all night talking, cuddling, making-out and that`s just about it. It was fun. So there goes the succeeding dates.
We finally became an item a few days after that. I know, it was fast. Way too fast. But then again, that`s how it is. What was I supposed to do?
There were just a number of times we went out and one of which included us meeting up with a good friend of mine. Amazingly, she liked her. And that`s overwhelming. Well, it`s not something that happens to me everyday cos my friends are a bit too skeptic about the women I end up with. Well, I have my former girlfriends to thank for that.
Speaking of which, we too were open about all things under the sun including the things we felt about our pasts. We were two souls swimming in the same sea looking for something better to hold on to. Cos she too just came from a failed long-term relationship.
Everything seemed fine for the first few days until all of a sudden, I felt like I was out of control. I felt like I was getting more than I was giving. For most men, I guess that would belong to the PROs section but that`s just not for me. It`s something I don`t feel right about. And more importantly, I knew the reason why I couldn`t reciprocate. It was simply because my heart still belonged to that one person I knew who wasn`t deserving - my ex.
Days passed and I knew I had to make up my mind. So to no avail I ended it. It didn`t even last a month long. I don`t even think we reached three weeks for that matter. And I totally regret having taken more than what I deserved. And for that, I am sorry. And though she has forgiven me, I know it doesn`t change a thing. I still am sorry even after almost a year.
Oh well, Krystal and I remained good friends even after everything. She now works in the same company as I do. We`re from different sites though. We still communicate and the last time I heard from her, she seemed to be doing better. Well, I hope so too. Cos she deserves better.
